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Louisa
Martin
Louisa
Martin
Aunt Joan
Bert
Martin
Louisa
Bert
Martin
Louisa
Martin
|
I've just been mugged by Bert. And I've now got two tickets to the Portwenn Players' dance. An auspicious occasion.
Do you want one?
Ah…Doctors aren't allowed to attend social events, and, um, I can't dance.
Well, you don't have to dance.
Ah, really, I won't. Thanks.
Have you nabbed by nephew yet?
Here, Doc. You can't pass up on an event like this.
I'm busy that night.
Didn't tell you what night it's on.
Oh come on, it's a charity do. It's a bit of fun. We all squeeze in the village hall and shake our booties.
Sounds appalling.
Oh, you've no chance there Bert. Oh well. You know where we'll be.
Yeah.
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Bert
Louisa
Mark
Louisa
Mark
Louisa
Bert
Mark
|
Here Mark. You got a ticket?
I got a spare one.
Thanks. Thanks very much. Great. What time?
Um…about eight.
See you there.
Okay. Great. Well, make sure you put on your dancing shoes.
I reckon she fancies you.
Blimey.
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Louisa
Peter
|
It's not enough to be clever, Peter. Sometimes you just have to be polite.
Why?
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Robin
Martin
Robin
Martin
Robin
Martin
Robin
Martin
Robin
Martin
Robin
|
What you gonna give me?
Nothing.
Just an antibiotic?
No, just give it a couple of days.
What?
It's a minor virus.
At least I want an antibi.
An antibiotic would work if you had a bacterial infection, but you don't. You have a minor virus.
Dr Sim always gave me an antibi. Antibi never did anyone any harm.
Look, I've got, uh, patients to see who might actually be ill, so I'll just say this once. Firstly, antibiotics don't touch
viruses. Secondly, even if you had a bacterial infection, you'd be well advised to try and fight it on your own, so that
you can develop some natural immunity. Thirdly, we are seeing bacterial strains becoming resistant to antibiotics in
common usage, due to the widespread overprescription by doctors, such as the late, great, Jim Sim, dishing out
antibiotics, in all probability, to whingers like you. Off you go.
(Coughs)
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Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
|
Mark.
Hi. Hi there. How are you?
Fine. What can I do for you?
Me? No, I'm fine. Fine. I'm perky. I, I won't bother you with why. I've got a date, that's why.
Good. Is that what you…
There was one small thing. As you know, I, I've not been hugely...I've not been successful with people of the opposite
sex. And, uh, lately...are, are you on email at all? Do you get those emails about... Or is it just me? I, I, I've been, I've
been wondering if, if, if maybe the problem is a size thing. App...apparently, no, no matter what a woman tells you it
does matter.
Uh, take a seat. Do you, uh, feel you have a problem...
I don't know. I mean the showers is one thing, but you can't tell. So I was hoping you could tell me.
I should refer you.
I just thought you might know what's normal.
There's a range of normality.
I mean I'm not talking...you know. It's not like I've measured, but... I mean, do you think six? Six would be normal?
I'd say six was normal, yeah. Yeah. Good. That's that sorted.
Right. So, sort of five-ish would be a bit...
Not necessarily.
And, a little bit less than five wouldn't be good, would it?
I'd uh, have to make inquiries.
If we'd been talking seven or eight, you, you, you wouldn't have to make inquiries, would you? Remember I told you
about that woman who said I was too gentle. That wasn't what she meant. I understand now. Just as well I've been
getting these off the internet. Arm and a leg mind.
Well, I wish you'd to, told me. I could have got you these for what they're worth, which by the way isn't much.
Well, that's easy for you to say. You haven't got my problem. You haven't got a date with the woman of your dreams.
Who's that?
Louisa.
What makes you think that?
Think what?
That the woman of my dreams...Louisa. Louisa is the woman of your dreams.
I've always, you know, from afar, too frightened to say anything. Then, out of the blue, she invited me to the jamboree
tonight, She's so...Have you noticed the way she moves? Whoo. Sometimes, between you and me, I go by the school
just in case I can catch a glimpse of her.
Well, I've got other patients to see, and I'm sure you're busy. Don't forget your tablets.
Wish me luck.
Yeah.
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Louisa
Mark
Louisa
Mark
Student
Louisa
Mark
|
You're more, um…
What?
I don't know. Yoo're more gentle than I realized.
Gentle? Wh...Why do you say that?
Miss Glasson's got a boyfriend.
Lucy Anne Holmes, behave yourself. This way. Come along now.
So. See you. Later.
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Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
|
Doc Martin?
Dr Ellingham, yes.
Oh yeah, that's right. I heard you like your proper title. I thought surgeons prided themselves on plain old 'Mister".
I'm no longer a surgeon. I take it you're Mr James.
Call me Stewart. Come in. Why is that, by the way? You know, no longer a surgeon?
A personal choice.
Oh yeah? Oh well, thanks for coming. I make fantastic coffee. Would you like some?
For future reference, unless you're in some way incapacitated, you need to come in to the surgery.
I can't really leave here in the day.
Well, let's hope you don't need a doctor, then.
So it's true then?
It's true that I don't appreciate having my time wasted, if that's what you mean.
I know, I know. Look, I understand. Portwenn must drive you mad. Bloke like you. Famously sharp mind. Used to
barking and everyone jumping. Portwenn would be quite a shock. Nosy locals. I bet half the village came in when you
opened up, just to see what you'd done with the place.
They did, yes.
And then there's the aggressive unhelpfulness of, um,...Oh, uh, what's the name of the receptionist?
Elaine?
Oh, Elaine. Oh, ho, ho. And the girls. I mean...Those girls that just hang out giggling all the time. I mean, what is that
about?
You're very perceptive.
Well, I suppose that's one reason I'm, uh, never in too much of a hurry to come into the village. You know, I mean,
sometimes it can be a bit...too much?
Too much, yeah.
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Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
|
You know, I could get lynched for saying this, but they can't make coffee down there. You just seem to get brown water.
In my experience you can get brown water straight from the tap.
Portwenn should come with a manual, shouldn't it?
Yeah.
Then there's that neurotic cop. I mean, nice bloke, but you can't help thinking he sobs himself to sleep of an evening.
"Another day, another failure to find a girlfriend."
I suppose, uh, you should tell me what the problem seems to be.
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Mark
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"One a day. Six weeks. Massive results."
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Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
Stewart
|
Okay, look. The nitrazepam's not for me. Um, it's for a friend.
Oh, I see.
He's…shy.
What's his name?
Ant. Anthony.
Well, tell Anthony I'd be happy to see him.
Or, you could just give me his nitrazepam.
No, I can't do that.
He's very, very anxious.
Does he live here?
Well, I mean, no. I mean, not officially. I mean, ah, the trust owns the place, and we're...
Oh, Oh. He's your...partner?
Yeah. Yeah. Well... I mean, I look after him. I mean, he's...He worries you know. And he's right to worry 'cause there
are grays everywhere.
Grays?
Yeah, yeah, they're everywhere and they're very aggressive. I mean, it's amazing there are any reds left at all. Come
on, everyone knows the reds live in constant fear of...
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Stewart
Martin
Stewart
|
Did you see that? The audacity! And people think they're just a different color. People think they're cuddly. They're
the squirrel equivalent of the Nazis!
Um. Your friend Anthony…is a, is a squirrel?
Yeah. You know, there used to be three million reds in this country. Three million. Anthony's not just a squirrel. He's
a survivor. And the least we can do is give him his tranquilizers.
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Stewart
Martin
Stewart
|
Change your mind?
No, the gate's locked.
Good, 'cause we were really hitting it off earlier. Yeah, have something to eat, then go. Come on. Maybe Anthony will
join us later.
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Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
Stewart
|
You know, I was thinking, uh, be a bit late for surgery by the time you got back, and, uh, somehow I couldn't imagine
you were going to the Portwenn Players' Dance.
I am going.
Are you? Oh. Why?
Sounds good.
Nah. It's the annual meat market. Oh. Oh, you'd hate it. No. As your new mate, I'm not letting you go to that. It's fine
if you want to get your tongue down someone's throat.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, well you don't know. I mean, check your records. Well, it's the night half Portwenn's children are
conceived.
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Stewart
Martin
Stewart
|
I took a bullet in Bosnia.
Really?
Yeah. In the shoulder. Friendly fire. Tony bloody Bartlett. Well, we stopped being friendly after that, I can tell you.
Wonder if the big guy'll show? It's polenta. That's his favorite, innit? I tell you, feeding any six foot squirrel on a
ranger's salary...no walk in the park. But this guy, he's just so fussy.
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Stewart
|
Oh, Anthony, this is Doc Martin. Remember I was telling you about him? Anthony, Doc Martin. Doc…Doctor Ellingham,
Anthony. Yeah, yeah. Well, he's not a surgeon anymore. Personal reasons.
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Martin
Stewart
|
I don't know. How do you make yourself attractive to a squirrel?
Cli... Stop it. Climb up a tree and act like a nut.
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Stewart
Martin
Stewart
Martin
|
Ant's a bit upset. He says you haven't spoken a word to him.
I don't speak squirrel.
That's very funny. I really think you should say something.
Anthony…good to meet you. Goodbye.
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Louisa
Mark
Louisa
Mark
Louisa
Mark
Louisa
Mark
Louisa
Mark
Aunt Joan
Louisa
|
Dance?
Not this one. I do like to dance. You know, feel your body move.
Really?
I didn't mean your body. Not tonight. I mean, I can't do that tonight, if that's what you…I have to wait a few weeks
before…
Maaark.
Not that I've got a disease or anything. It's hard to explain.
Maaark.
You know when you invited me? I thought, "God, you're brave." I mean, I've always wanted to invite, you know, for
years. But I, I, I've never had the couage to...
Mark. I think I've got to say straight away that...
Let's dance to this one.
This is interesting.
I think I may just have a very serious misunderstanding on my hands.
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Bert
|
That's it boy. I always knew young Mark had it in him. Most people don't realize that I also am a dancer. But I don't
want to steal anybody's thunder. No, that wouldn't be right. That wouldn't be fair.
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Aunt Joan
Martin
Aunt Joan
Martin
Aunt Joan
Martin
Aunt Joan
|
What's going on Marty?
I needed to talk to Mark.
You needed to talk to him or you needed to interrupt him?
I needed his help to section a man under Section 136 of the Mental Health Act.
Then you saw him with Louisa and you don't need his help.
I'll get a community psychiatric nurse in the morning.
Yes, yes, she should make you feel much better.
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Mrs Beckett
Martin
Stewart
Mrs Beckett
Martin
Mrs Beckett
Martin
Mrs Beckett
|
He didn't give Stewart his medication.
Oh, that's marvelous, that is, Doc. Well done.
No, it wasn't Stewart's medication. He wanted it for…
Bird tables! Bird Feeders!
What's got into him?
I'll tell you what's got into him. He's suffering from delusions. He thinks he lives with a giant squirrel. That's why I didn't
give him the medication, 'cause he thought it was for his...big friend.
Anthony?
Yes.
Well, that's nothing new. We've had Anthony for years. You go along with him, Stewart's fine.
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Louisa
Mrs Beckett
Louisa
|
Mind you, at least we know one thing.
And what's that?
We blamed young Peter Cronk for something he didn't do. I'll go and see him in the morning. It's awful to have
misunderstandings.
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Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
|
Stewart stops by Portwenn every now and then, you know. We don't normally have a problem.
Well, I wouldn't be surprised if his next stop was a spell in a psychiatric ward.
There's not a creative solution?
No, I don't think so.
I sometimes find with Portwenn, creative solutions are more effective.
Yeah.
Whatever Doc Sim did for Stewart, we can't do that?
Well, his condition's clearly changed.
Or is it his doctor?
Well, there's the mystery of medicine, isn't there? Everybody comes to you for an opinion, but when you actually give
them that opinion, nobody really wants it. The man thinks he lives with a giant squirrel. He needs help.
Sorry.
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Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
|
On a more cheerful note, I had a good night last night. Had a bit of a breakthrough. Ah. Louisa. Fantastic physique, all
the moves. We had a great laugh. But it's nothing more. I don’t fancy her. I just hope she's not disappointed. You can't
force it though. I've just got to wait for the right one to come along. Mind you, that gives me time to sort out the, uh...
Uh...uh, let me help.
You disapprove, I know.
Mark, um...they're placebos.
Yeah, well. Even placebos work, don't they?
What do you mean, the placebo effect?
Call it what you like. Long as it's an effect.
No, you don't understand. That's not what a placeb...I mean, that's not what it means. The pla... No...Martin
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Stewart
Martin
Stewart
|
I guess I'm just a tiny bit fragile, and, you know, the slightest thing can set me off. To be honest, sounds, smells. I
mean, I just go to pieces. You know, it's like a, a smell can put me right back there. I mean, you can't, you can't
imagine.
No, I can, actually.
Yeah, well, I mean, that's the thing about this place, isn't it? You know, if you're gonna be fragile, this is the place to be.
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Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
|
Change your mind?
Oh, I thought we could defer a decision. I'll keep a close eye on him. In the meantime, he's got what he wanted.
What's that? Tranquilizers?
Ah, no. It seems my predecessor was savvier than I thought. Far as I can make out from what's left of Stewart's
records, What Dr Sim was bringing him was actually vitamin tablets. .
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Martin
Peter
Martin
Peter
Martin
Peter
Martin
|
Let's have another look at your wrist.
Nobody wants me here. They all gang up on me.
Make a fist. Well, we all feel left out from time to time, Peter.
What do you know?
I know there's nothing wrong with your wrist.
I could have told you that. It's a grade one mild sprain. Ligaments stretched, maybe, but not broken. People think I'm
being rude, but I'm not. Just saying what's in my head, you know?
Yeah, I do know.
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Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
Mark
Martin
|
Listen, I..I hope you don't mind me saying, but I reckon Portwenn's having an effect on you. That was a good call today
with Stewart. I think the locals will really appreciate it.
Then you, uh, won't mind me saying that I don't actually carry vitamins, but luckily for Stewart, you do.
What?
Your, um, enlargement tablets. "Ascorbic acid, d-alpha tocopherol, pyridoxine." They're, they're multivitamins.
You can't do that. They got...That's not ethical.
You'll get over it...big boy.
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