|
Louisa
|
You've got a problem
|
Chris Martin
|
Oh, and Louisa Glasson, the lay member. Well, shall we, uh, go through. Yeah.
|
Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Chris Louisa
|
Sorry, can I just ask… how would you describe your interpersonal skills? I've been a surgeon for 12 years. Ran a team of senior registrars at St. John's. I think that speaks for itself. The classic image of a surgeon is someone who deals with cases rather than individuals, bodies rather than people. My work is with the patients. That's nothing but dealing with bodies...people. If you want to be a GP in our village, then social skills and a good bedside manner are...really...essential. Louisa, I, I think that Dr Ellingham is more than qualified. To alienate people, perhaps. I'm sorry, but nothing I've seen of him so far convinces me that he's a proper replacement for Dr Sim.
|
Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Chris Martin
|
You cross the line just once in Portwenn, and… Will you stop that? Is the vision a little blurred in that eye? Yes. Fixed, semi-dilated pupil. Bit of pain? Sometimes, what? It's acute glaucoma. You're kidding? No. You should see an eye specialist today. Martin. Excuse me.
|
Martin (to dog)
|
Go. What do you want? Go away. Go away. Go!
|
Elaine Martin Elaine Martin Elaine Martin Elaine Martin Elaine
|
Are you Doc Martin? No. No, I'm Dr Ellingham. I'm Elaine. That must be nice for you. Practice receptionist. Oh, right. I'm not hiring yet. Well, I've come from Delabole. Is that far? I've...come…from…Delabole! There's no point in going then coming back later. Might as well just start now, innit?
|
Martin Elaine Martin Elaine Martin Elaine Martin Elaine
|
How are you feeling today? Fine. No ringing in the ears? (picks up ringing telephone) Ellingham. Hang on. It's for you. I'm not here. Elaine's not here. Wait, hold on. Is that Greg? Are you Greg? Elaine for you. (Whispers) I'm not talking to Greg. (Martin start to hang up phone and Elaine grabs it from him) Yeah? Yeah. No! Look, you're needy and I'm 26, innit? (to Martin) Do you mind?
|
Elaine Martin Elaine Martin Elaine Martin Elaine Martin Elaine Martin Elaine Martin Elaine Martin Elaine Martin Elaine Martin Elaine Martin Elaine
|
Is there any milk? One spore or two? What? It had turned to penicillin. It's in the bin. Hello? I need coffee. Elaine, since you're here, there's one or two things to organize. Like what? Well, like a new exam couch for starters. Wait. Yeah. Uh, an examination light. Yeah. A functioning sphygmomanometer. Yeah. What's that? It measures blood pressure. Yeah. Anything else? No, that's all for now. Right. "Milk, biscuits"? While you're getting that other stuff. Oh, and HELLO! magazine. Write it down. I'm not your personal shopper. I want you to find me a medical equipment supplier. Is that how you treated people up in London? No wonder you're down here with your tail between your legs.
|
Mover Martin Mover Martin Mover Martin Mover
|
On behalf of the lads and meself we'd like to wish you every happiness in your new home. Thanks very much. So… So. You'd like a tip. Well, if you're offering. Tell me something. When the surgeon stitched up your hernia, did you give him a tip? All right mate.
|
Greek Chorus Martin Greek Chorus Martin Greek Chorus
|
You Doc Martin? Uh, actually, I prefer Dr Ellingham. Is there a Mrs Doc? No, there isn't. Oh, are you lonely?
|
Gilbert Martin Gilbert Martin Gilbert Martin Gilbert
|
Gilbert Spencer. Lieutenant Colonel. Retired. Martin Ellingham. Doctor. Practicing. May I come in? No. I'm not open till next week. So if you don't mind, unless it's urgent… The last chap saw you when you needed him, not when it suited him. Interesting. Would you like to make an appointment for next Tuesday? Look... It is...urgent.
|
Martin Gilbert Martin Gilbert Martin Gilbert Martin Gilbert
Martin Elaine
|
Wow. Right. Uh, the medical term is gynecomastia. There can be a number of causes. Genetic, environmental. Could it be something with the water? Well, there've been rumors. Well, I sincerely hope not or we'll all be needing a bra. If you'd like to lie down. Now, look here. I'm a respected member of this community. I did not come here to be ridiculed by you. Oh, come on. The local man would have known better. Well, with all due respect, the local man's dead. And you turned up without an appointment. For your information, I did have an appointment, which I made myself with the young lady on the telephone. But I shall be traveling to Wadebridge surgery in the future, where no appointment is necessary. Uh, Colonel. Colonel! Colonel, please come back. Colonel, I really think we ought to finish your consultation. Wow. You're good.
|
Martin Fisherman 1 Martin Fisherman 2 Martin Fisherman 1
|
I'm looking for Haven Farm. You Doc Martin? No, I'm not Doc anybody, I… Yes you are. You're Doc Martin. I'm just trying to… Oh, never mind. Yep, definitely Bodmin.
|
Aunt Joan Martin Aunt Joan Martin
|
Little Marty. Auntie Joan. Some arse just tried to run me off the road. Came right at me in a narrow lane. Are you a man or a mouse? Those lanes have bags of room. You'll stay for chicken.
|
Aunt Joan Martin Aunt Joan Martin Aunt Joan
|
You know I still can't get used to the idea of you as a surgeon. Well, now you only have to get used to the idea of me as a GP. Last time you were here you got a splinter in your finger on the beach and you cried. Well, I was 7. You were 11! And you wet the bed. Not exactly the stuff of which... of which...surgeons are made, hmm?
|
Aunt Joan
Martin Aunt Joan
|
You know, I always hoped that you'd grow up not looking like your father, but there you go. You stubborn as he is too? Yes, of course you are. Have you heard from him? No. God forgive me for cursing my own brother, but he's a bloody idiot.
|
Aunt Joan Martin Aunt Joan Martin Aunt Joan Martin Aunt Joan Martin Aunt Joan
|
So, what went wrong? With what? Well, swanky surgeon in London one minute, GP in Portwenn the next. You're here. Oh, don't be ridiculous. I've been here for 30 years and I haven't seen hide nor hair of you. Was it a woman? No, it wasn't a woman. Lack of a woman. I saw two practices, I couldn't decide between them, and then I saw Portwenn. What? When you talk to the locals you might try and sound a bit more pleased to be here.
|
Aunt Joan
|
I'll send the Large boys around. They'll fix up your plumbing for you. But I'll tell you this for nothing. No woman will ever fix your plumbing up, if you go round looking that pale.
|
Bert Martin
|
Here Doc, I'm not one to criticize, but, uh, you want to relax. Down here we just go with the flow. Right.
|
Martin (to dog)
|
Well, go away! Go away! I've nothing for you. Get! Go away!
|
Greek Chorus
|
Definitely Bodmin.
|
Martin Bert Martin Al Bert
Martin Al Bert Al
|
Bodmin. That's an endearing local term for "barmy", right? Well, someone who's Bodmin is… Well, it's kind of like… Well, the thing is… Okay, now, what happens is… Treat yourself to a noun. It's someone who goes wandering on the moor. Auntie Annie, now she went Bodmin, but she never went near the moor. Do you remember that son? No, going Bodmin is... Yes, I think I get the picture. Unless it came from the old asylum in Bodmin town. Or it could be a literary reference. What are you going on about, boy? Old Doc Martin don't want a reference. No, he just want to know what it means. Daphne du Maurier paints Bodmin Moor as a...a Gothic symbol of murder and madness. All granite skies and howling winds.
|
Martin Elaine Martin Al Martin Elaine Martin Elaine Bert Martin
|
Elaine, are you going to lend a hand here? I can't work in this. Well, why don't you go home then? Uh, it's Greg for Elaine. Who left the door open? Get out! Whose is this sodding dog? Tell him you saw me and Barry kissing. Elaine! Mouth open, with tongues. Water damage, now that's a beast all on its own. Right. Hold that and shut up! You, get off the telephone and find the stopcock. And you, either get back to Delabole, wherever that may be, and don't come back, or go and find a mop and work out how to use it. And as for you...
|
Martin Mark Martin
|
Stray dog. Doc Martin. Nice to meet you finally. Look, listen, I'm not interested in your opinion as to whether I seem a bit lonely or a bit Bodmin or how far it is to Delabole. It's just a dog.
|
Susan Martin
|
Shall I tell you something? You're exactly what this community needs. Well, there's one, possibly two people might disagree with you.
|
Aunt Joan Martin Aunt Joan Martin Aunt Joan Martin
|
Her name is Louisa Glasson, by the way. The teacher. Yeah, we already met. But not successfully. Why? Did she say something? No, no, no. But you were skulking, and nobody skulks after a successful meeting. Right, come on. Well, just for the record, I wasn't skulking. I didn't know she worked there. I just spotted her.
|
Elaine Martin
|
Did you hurt that dog? I love dogs. Yeah, I love them too. I love the way they smell, love the way they bite you. Dogs are the best.
|
Martin Bert Martin Elaine Al Elaine Al Elaine Bert
Martin
|
Does Susan Brading know Gilbert Spencer? Know him? Only in the biblical sense. What do you mean, she gave birth to him in a stable? They got married a few years back. Lovely wedding. Whole village was invited. Yeah. And Greg offed with a slapper from Dorset. Will you get over it? No. The biblical sense. Have you not heard of that Doc? It's like, I love Al, but not in the biblical sense. Cause he's my son if you see what I mean. I'm surprised you've not heard of that Doc. Shut up.
|
Martin
|
Right Colonel. We're going to talk. Or rather, I'm going to talk and you're going to listen. Then if you still want to go to Wadebridge and inflict your dreary ex-military routine on some poor sod there, fine, I'll drive you myself. But at least I'll have delivered the diagnosis you asked me for.
|
Martin Susan Martin Susan
|
Listen, I've been updating your patient notes. Your use of estrogen cream, it's excessive. Perhaps I use a squidgen more than it says on the pack. Makes me feel ever so chipper. Yeah, but there can be side effects. And, to be honest…How can I put this? We find it smoothes the works.
|
Martin Elaine Martin Elaine Martin Elaine
|
Afternoon Elaine. You're looking efficient. Enjoy your tea. What's wrong with you? Nothing. The day got better. Patient waiting. No there isn't, because, as you know, I'm not open for business yet. There's still a patient waiting.
|
Martin Ross Martin
|
You'd better be dying. I think I'm growing breasts. Oh, no.
|
Martin Bob Martin
Vendor
|
Oh, that's interesting. Glad you like it. It's better than that tosh over there. A lot of old firewood loosely glued to some litter in the name of arts and crafts. I like that. Somber. Thanks for looking after my stall, Bob.
|
Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin
|
Your diagnosis was right. They've got me on drops. What? They've got me on drops. They're beta-blockers. It should clear up within a couple of weeks. If not, um, go and see your doctor. I would, but I got off to a bad start with him. Oh no, your doctor's a profess... Oh. Am I your doctor? Yeah. I should have told you I lived in Portwenn. So how are you finding us? Irritating. Apart from the, the primary school teacher. Who's um, a pirate, it seems. You know, you're not at all like I thought you were. You're actually... I've got to go.
|
Martin Gilbert Martin Gilbert Martin
|
There's been an unrelated case. Ah, bloody water. I thought so. Who was he? I can't tell you that. Local fellow? A young lad. Surfer type. Probably wished too hard for the perfect, ah, swell.
|
Ross Martin
|
You told him about me. Well, that's not…Well, at least we know where your tits came from.
|
Caroline
Martin Caroline Martin Ross
|
Here's our new doctor, Dr Martin Ellingham, to award the prizes for the fancy-dress competition. Give him a hand. Doctor. Your list. Okay? Um. The, um, fancy-dress competition… Doc. We are live on Radio Portwenn. Oh shit. Ellingham! You tosser!
|
Fisherman 1 Fisherman 2
|
Was that him again? Yep.
|
Mark Martin Mark Martin Mark
|
Doc. Wakey, wakey. Everything all right? Yeah, fine. I was um, looking for what's-his-name, that surfer boy. Ross? Out here? Yeah. Yeah, he lives in the village.
|
Caroline
|
You are listening to Radio Portwenn. And now more on the controversy surrounding Portwenn Lifeboat Day, which for many villagers was marred when our new doctor, Dr Ellingham, disappointed the boys and girls who…
|
Mark Martin Mark Martin Mark
|
You should have stopped by the pub last night, you missed a show. Really? Gilbert got drunk and tried to kill Ross. What? Did you have to intervene? I took the view that a lobster is not a particularly lethal weapon.
|
Martin Mark
|
I thought you were gonna… I know. He got out. Had a good lawyer.
|
Martin Bert Courier Bert Courier Martin Courier Martin
|
What the hell's going on? Ah! Doc Martin, sir. Now don't worry. It's all under control. Delivery for Ellingham. Sometimes happens when we have to repressurize the system. But no fear, sir. It's completely normal! Medical equipment. You want it or not? I don't know. What? Sod off. Go on, sod off. All of you. Please.
|
Chris Martin Chris Martin Chris
Martin
|
Obviously, if this kid decides to make it a formal complaint, there's going to be nothing I can do about that. I did not breach his confidentiality. I mentioned no names. Martin, you led the husband to the scene of the crime. It's not a pretty story. Listen, I backed you coming here. Well, you backed the wrong horse, didn't you? Because I'm clearly not a GP. No, I want you to know I'm still gonna back you. Oh, Martin, let's face it. You piss people off wherever you go. Couldn't stand the sight of you myself for the first few years of med school. I'm just saying, what are you gonna gain by moving on? And how is it going to help the people here if they lose the best medic they're ever likely to see because of some stupid... Oh Dan, can you please just... So why don't we just sit tight and hope all this just blows over, eh mate? No. Sorry. I'll put things right as best I can, but then I'm calling it a day.
|
Martin Susan Martin Susan
|
What about Ross? Keeps calling. I've told him it's all over. Long letter. But he won't accept it. He'll get over it. Yes. He's a boy. Today, he thinks his heart is broken. Tomorrow there'll be good waves. He'll surf, he'll forget. And then in a month or two, there'll be a sultry 19 year old who'll let him enjoy her breasts without giving him a set of his own.
|
Martin Gilbert Martin Gilbert Martin
|
Can I say something? What? Colonel, you still love your wife, don't you? Yes. Well, there you go then. You love her, she just told me she loves you. Problem solved. Mine's a pint.
|
Aunt Joan Martin Aunt Joan Martin Aunt Joan
Martin Aunt Joan Martin Aunt Joan
|
One stray punch and you're running away. Oh, for heavens sake, Marty. Looks like the lanes weren't wide enough, after all. What do you expect coming here? Well, I must say I was hoping for a slightly more hospitable environment. Rubbish. If you wanted a chocolate-box village, go to the Isle of Wight. This is a real place. You know, I always wondered, when you stopped coming for the summer, if you, well, if you felt perhaps that you weren't welcome. Well, no. I just uh, thought it wasn't so convenient, that's all. You...you know that he wouldn't send you, don't you? Dad? Why? Oh, doesn't matter now. Far too long ago. I just, uh... I just wanted you to know that, uh... Well, you were always welcome.
|
Greek Chorus
|
Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm growing breasts. Call them breasts? Pervert.
|
Elaine Martin
|
So are you gonna pay me for this week or what? What.
|
Bert
Martin Bert
Martin Bert Martin
Bert Martin Bert
|
I was only thinking, um, if you are leaving, I was wondering whether you'd kindly see one or two people just before you go. Umm. Give me their names. I'll think about it. Oh. Thank you. Well, there's um, there's old Jane Carpenter. Uh, she's got lumbago. Um, there's uh, Mary Morris. She's got blood pressure. And then there's Big Lucy Holmes, arthritis. Little Lucy Holmes, sore throat. Old Giddens, arthritis. Young Giddens, Benny's a lovely boy, diabetic. Hang on. How long is this list? Well... Wait a minute. I know what this is all about. None of you lot can be bothered to travel to Wadebridge to see a doctor, can you? Well, it's a long way to Wadebridge. Yeah. It's not really good enough, is it? Well, the way I look at this, Doc, is that you need patients and we need a doc. Now, we don't all have to love one another, do we?
|
Fisherman 2 Martin
|
Evening Doc.. Evening.
|