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Martin Pauline Martin
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Is she slurring? Caroline? Is Jude Law fit? What?
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Julie Martin Julie Martin
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No. Look Doctor. Um, I came here to register, you know, and… That's what we're doing. I mean, I've been to the library, and I got a card in five minutes. Well, congratulations. If you get smallpox, I'm sure a good book will be a great comfort to you.
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Pauline
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I know. I know. Poor bloke. Having to put up with that boozed-up old trout flirting with him on live radio. It's disgusting. She must be 40 if she's a day. Makes me want to throw.
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Mr Cooke
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Sorry Doc. I know I smell. People keep saying. I can smell it myself sometimes.
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Martin Mr Cooke
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All right. Uh…could you open your mouth? Are you quite sure Doc?
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Mr Addo Martin
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And you recon these will work, do you? No. I just prescribe them for fun.
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Caroline Martin
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I said, I don’t have time today. I mean, can't you just fix me the bloody prescription? "A," I'm not in the habit of "just fixing" prescriptions, bloody or otherwise. And "B," I'd like to see you.
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Passer-by Caroline
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I wouldn't park there luv if I were you. Really? If I were you, I wouldn’t come out in daylight, luv.
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Martin Mr Cooke Martin
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Mr Cooke. As your doctor… Doctor? What do you know? You're frightened at the sight of blood. I know you stink to high heaven.
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Louisa Martin Louisa
Martin Louisa
Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin
Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa
Martin
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So, how are you? How's your new job? You first. Yeah. Yeah, great. But it's…but it's hard, you know. Sometimes I feel like a fraud, somehow. Like the governors will suddenly realize the huge mistake they've made, and I am, in fact, completely incompetent. But, uh, I expect everyone feels like that, don't they? I mean, not, not you, obviously. Because, uh, well, you're a proper professional. That's why I'm here, actually. Um, could I ask you for some professional advice? Of course. Yeah. Well, the thing is, there's this friend of mine. I think she might be drinking too much. And, um, she's having a hard time at the moment, you know? Right. And she's asked me to meet her later for a drink, and I'd just appreciate some help with, well, how to tackle it. Well, don't meet her for a drink for starters. Yeah. Fair point. But say, technically speaking, how many units are too much? Does it matter? You obviously think it's too much or you wouldn't be here. Um, Martin. Um, I'm asking you to give me a hand here. Carol...no, my friend, needs help, and I don't know what to do. Well, if your friend is the person I think she is, judging by my dealings with her, then I don't think she wants any help. No, I know. But doesn't that depend on how you give it? Well, I don't know. How do you give it? If I give people advice, they seem to want a prescription. Or if I give them a prescription, then they want advice. Well, surely there are no fixed rules. You just have to feel your way and listen to your patients, I guess. Ah, right. THAT hadn't occurred to me. Martin. What? What am I doing wrong? Whenever I try and, and, con...connect with you, you just, uh, close down. Then I start doubting myself, when maybe it's you who should have the doubts. And then maybe you'd be more approachable, and people would want to listen to your advice. Apart from it helping you in your job, it... Well, if you're so conversant with the finer points of my job, then you won't need my advice on what to say to your alcoholic friend, Caroline, when you meet her for drinks.
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Caroline Bert
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Did you have a question Bert? Yes I did, as it happens. My question is for you actually, Caroline. What time are you driving home today? Not being funny. I just wanted to make sure I'm not gonna be on the road when you are.
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Martin Mrs Tishell Martin Mrs Tishell Martin Mrs Tishell Martin Mrs Tishell
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I understand you had a patient of mine in yesterday, and you refused to give her some fluconazole? Oh, Doctor. I'm sorry, I…Oh dear. It's the fifth time she's had it, and I know you don't like… Absolutely. And you should not give her fluconazole without a prescription. I don't need to apologize? No. And feel free to refer her back to me if she's not happy. I'll review the situation when I've seen her. Oh, Doctor. Would now be a good time to look at those journals together? I could make a nice cup of tea and a pasty. No. I have surgery. Good morning. Homemade.
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Radio Station Tech Caroline Radio Station Tech Caroline
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Caroline? You okay? I'm fine. Just leave me, would you? Come on, it's okay. Everyone knows Bert just spouts hot air. Lots of hot air so you don't notice you've got no hot water. That's not true, actually. He did get hot water through once. Into Bruce Hanson's downstairs toilet bowl.
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Martin Caroline
Martin
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Do you often find yourself getting annoyed with people who observe or criticize your drinking? Oh! That's it. I've had enough. Who the hell do you think you are, asking…inappropriate questions about something I have not even consulted you about! So that's a "yes" then, is it?
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Pauline
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You're such a people person, aren't you?
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Danny Louisa Danny Louisa Danny Louisa Danny Louisa Danny Louisa Danny Louisa Danny Louisa
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You remember? When we all got sent to the headmaster after we bundled what's his name into that wheelie bin? And then, and then that thing on the lid so he couldn't get out. God forgive us. Do you give detentions? No, not really. Well, I sort of try not to. I only did that thing to Martin because he kissed you. Did what? Has he said something? Who? Martin. You just said…Didn't you just say…? Martin Ferry. In the wheelie bin. Oh, oh! Oh, that Martin. So, that's why you've been so cool with me. Well, I've hardly been cool. And anyway, nothing ever actually happened. It was...nothing. Really? No! Really. Honestly, it...it... was...moments. And, and not even that. It was, um...A moment.
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Martin Pauline Martin Pauline Martin Pauline Martin
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Where are you going? Vernon's on his way back. Oh. According to the Care Bears, he's just as bad. Well, you can’t just leave. I'm going to get an aromatherapy burner and some oils. Good idea.
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Mr Addo Martin Mr Addo
Martin
Martin
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Those tablets you gave me are rubbish. I'm still coughing up the Yangtze River. Well, you've only just started taking them. They're antibiotics. You're meant to finish the course. Oh, sure. I read the newspaper. Don’t you think I know what drug companies do, yeah? Paying you to test out their drugs on people like me? Bringing you computers, free lunches. Just finish taking the medication I prescribed you. (Martin takes a call) Right Mr Addo, I'm happy to say I'm gonna cut short our consultation. Go home, take the tablets, drink plenty of fluids, and lap up the contents of your moronic newspaper.
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Martin Danny Martin
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All right Caroline. I'm gonna give you an injection. I'm saying a prayer for you Caroline. Just a little prick.
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Martin Mark
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Mark, you have a problem. You're right there Doc.
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Mr Bosman Martin Mr Bosman Martin Mr Bosman
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She's in there. Bed 4. Still bloody-minded. There's no cure for that, I suppose. No, I'm afraid there isn't. You're the wrong person to ask anyway, aren't you? Mr Bosman! No, no. Sorry. It was a, it was a joke.
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