|
Mark Martin Mark
Martin Mark
|
Doc, Julie and I are getting married, as you know. Yes. Thank you. All a bit of a rush. Julie doesn't want to wait. I don't mind. Less time to change her mind. Anyway, I was wondering. Will you be my best man? No. Oh.
|
Bert Al Bert Al Bert
|
Oh! Good God. Needs a bit of work. You could say that again. Oh, careful of that floorboard. It's um…Well, it's not there. It's a fixer-upper. A fixer-upper?
|
Pauline Sam Pauline Sam Pauline
|
Hey. What? Chewing gum. Put it back in your mouth or in the bin. You're kidding me, right? Don't make me get out from behind this desk.
|
Martin Sam Martin Sam Martin Sam Martin Sam Martin Sam Martin Sam
|
How did it happen? I don't know. It was just a sting. Looks like a bugger, yeah? Stings are usually caused by something. What was it? I don't know. What time was it? I don't know. Where were you? I don't know. Right. So you were stung by something you didn't recognize, at a time you've forgotten, in a place you can't remember. Yeah. Good.
|
Mark
Al Mark
|
Don't worry about the stag do. Got it all planned. Heading out to the woods, sleeping rough, under the stars. How's Saturday sound? Uh, Saturday… That's a date then. All men together into the great wilderness.
|
Louisa Martin Louisa
Martin Louisa Martin
Louisa Martin Louisa Martin
|
Martin. A word. Yes. I'm sure you're aware that unless it's an absolute emergency, it's not a great use of my time… Yes, well I would consider this an emergency of sorts. Now you might not think you're a part of this village but you are, like it or not. We're a small community, almost a family, and sometimes people feel a little bit put out by the way you are. And sometimes people feel that you just don't care, and I think that it's about time that someone told you that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a job to get back to... And I didn't say what I was talking about, did I? No. No. Well, I bumped into Mark this morning, and he's quite upset. Well, I'm simply not qualified to be his best man. Apart from the fact that he's the local policeman, I know absolutely nothing about him. Precisely, because you never bothered to ask him anything. Precisely, because I'm not remotely interested. Are you? Martin. Mark likes you, and you've upset him... And by the way, Danny is doing very well. Thank you for saving his life. You're welcome.
|
Mark Martin Mark Martin Mark Martin Mark Martin
Mark Martin
|
Doc, I just wanted you to know I've asked Al to be my best man. Oh, uh, good, good. But you're coming to the stag weekend. So, best pack your canteen. What? The canteen for the whiskey. Uh, no. You'll have a grand time. I won't. Trees, grass, starry nights, back to nature. It'll be good for your soul, Doc. Insects, lying on the ground, being woken by birdsong, bad food, worse hygiene, and men singing. That's not good for my soul Mark. That's a no then Doc? Yes, it is.
|
Mark Al Mark Al Mark
Al
|
Ah, morning. Yeah, it is. It's here anyway. Where is everyone? Uh, yeah. We had a few call-offs. A few? Well. Danny's still at the hospital, and Dave, John and Robin are up at the old quiz-master final up in Bodmin. And as for the Doc, well, he's just the Doc, isn't he? Yeah. So, uh, it's just you and me?
|
Pauline
|
Always knew you had that community spirit deep down in you Doc…very deep down. Stop by my stall. I'm doing henna tattoos and hair braiding. I'll give you a discount if you're nice to me.
|
Al Mark Al Mark
|
So what exactly are we gonna do? You know, things. Man things. Like, uh, wrestling? No. Not unless you really want to wrestle.
|
Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin
|
My kids did these. Ah. It looks like a horse. No, it's a church. Church? It's not very good, is it? It was done by a 4 year old. Looks like a horse.
|
Al Mark Al Mark
|
We've been here before. That's a typical rookie mistake there Al. Yeah we have. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that tree. You said it looked like your dad. Ah. Must have taken a wrong turn.
|
Al Mark Al Mark Al Mark
|
Reception's rubbish here. I'm gonna have to move to find some, okay? Okay. You should sing so I know where you are. Sing? Yeah. Uh, that song from "Titanic". Uh, what about, um…"Grand old Duke of York"? Okay.
|
Louisa Martin Louisa
|
I'm glad you were here. Well, that makes a change I suppose. Well, of course I'm glad.
|
Louisa Martin Pauline
|
Stewart. Stewart can help. He's the ranger for that area. To be honest, I'd rather not be guided by someone who's best friend is a six foot squirrel. Yeah, maybe he's short a few sandwiches, but if anyone knows that area...
|
Martin Stewart
Martin Stewart Martin Stewart
|
And how are you Stewart? Haven't seen you for awhile. Still taking your medication? I spend most of my days by myself. Bit like solitary confinement, really. Just me and my thoughts, week in, week out. It's wonderful. And what about, uh, your friend? What's his name? The big squirrel. Come on doc. I don't see Anthony anymore. Good. That's good. Sounds like you made a complete recovery. Yeah, I threw him out. He was taking me for granted.
|
Stewart
Martin Stewart
|
I mean essentially with moors this large and so many different woodlands, well, you could drive around for a week and we still wouldn't find them, you know? It's your classic needle in a haystack situation, basically. There they are. Oh, right, great, fantastic. Knew we'd do it.
|
Martin Stewart
|
Why do you need a shotgun? Well, don't worry Doc. It's not loaded.
|
Julie Pauline
|
Well, I hope I don't have to cancel the wedding. The church is booked and everything. If you're worried about your deposit, you can always switch to a funeral.
|
Stewart Martin Stewart Martin Stewart Martin Stewart Martin Stewart
|
It's the poachers. I'm sure of it. They're waiting for us. You know, we should take the offensive, catch them off guard. No Stewart. We have to find Mark. Mark will be fine. This is England. People don't die in the woods. Stewart, focus! Which direction is Mark in? I'm trying to apprehend criminals here. He's a policemen. He'd want that. Stewart, which way? That way! Thank you! Tosser.
|
Al Stewart
|
Where is the doc? Well, I mean, we came from that way. So, logically, the Doc must be… Yeah, somewhere else!
|
Louisa Julie Louisa Julie Pauline
|
Where the hell are they? I need a cup of tea. Anyone else? No, thanks. Okay. She's taking this well
|
Stewart
|
So, uh, basically just keep going straight. Uh, when you get to the clearing, turn left. You can't miss him.
|
Al Stewart Al Stewart Al Stewart Al Stewart
|
You're gonna have to go ahead and get the Doc. I can't move him fast enough. What, me? Yes, you! Well, can't you do it? I mean, it's not as if Mark's going anywhere, is it? Ha, ha. Just… You know he never invited me to the wedding, don't you? Ohhh. I mean, it's fine, you know? I'm busy. I couldn't have made it anyway.
|
Stewart Martin Stewart Martin
|
Checkmate. Hey you! Put your hands where I can see them! Stewart? Don't move! I mean it! Don't take another step or you'll be in a world of pain. Stewart, don't shoot me!
|
Martin Mark Martin
|
You're very lucky Mark. Is that cause I'm getting married? Yes, Mark.
|
Stewart
|
Ohh! I haven't been to Portwenn in awhile. I think I might pop into town, check out the, uh… Actually, no, it's too many people. I think I'll go back home.
|
Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Stewart Martin Stewart Martin Louisa
|
So, did you have a good time then? Oh yes, yes, plenty of fresh air, mantraps, poisonous snakes. All quite charming. I was… Well, I was worried. So was I. Yeah, his condition was almost…Well, it was. It was critical, yeah. No, I know. I mean, I was worried about you. Doc? In a minute Stewart. Right. It's just I am sort of dripping blood all over your floor. Ohhh. Uh, excuse me. Sorry. Yeah.
|