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Martin Mrs Averill Martin Mrs Averill Martin Mrs Averill Martin Mrs Averill
Martin
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You're coughing a lot. Just got rid of a cold. Right. Any other problems? I've lost my cat. That's not a medical problem, is it? Hmm. I'm very tired. I can't sleep without him. All right. Come on. He's called Tom-Tom. You know, I wonder if he's been kidnapped. You read about people stealing cats for scientific experiments. I don't.
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Mrs Averill Pauline Mrs Averill Martin Mrs Averill
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What is it dear? I'm a qualified phlebotomist. Well done. Oh, that is good. You any idea what a phlebotomist is? No, but if you can get a certificate for being one it must be important.
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Mrs Averill Martin
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Why don't you tell me all about it while we have a cup of tea? There's no need. She's already told you about it.
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Martin Mrs Averill Martin Mrs Averill Martin
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Are you a smoker? Not really. I don't inhale. Then you won't miss it so much when you give it up., will you Mrs Averill? Put those in there. Don’t have many pleasures left in life. You won't have much life left unless you stop being so stupid.
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Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin
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Hi Martin. Come in. Thank you. I thought we'd eat outside. Really? Don't you want to? No, no, no. If you do…
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Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa
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Would you like some wine? No thank you. I don't drink. Really? Not even on special occasions? Is this a special occasion? Well, maybe "special" is the wrong word, but it's not exactly something we do every day, is it? Well, I certainly can't remember the last time I ate a meal in someone's back garden. It's not that unusual Martin. People have barbecues all the time. Oh, I see. Hot dogs and hamburgers. That what we're having? No. Uh, you...you've got new neighbors. Yes. Do you know Mrs Averill? Uh, yes, yes. She was in my surgery today. Really? Well, she used to live there. But her husband died a couple of months ago and she couldn't bear to stay without him. So she sold it to this family from London, and she's bought a smaller place now up by the...up by the - whatsit. I'll just go and fetch the starters.
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Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa
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Can I help you with anything? No, I'm fine. I can manage. Did you see the dolphins this afternoon? There were two of them - just outside the harbour. I'm busy with patients all day. Oh, that's a pity. So you didn’t see them then? No. ..... Louisa. Yeah? You look very...busy. Thank you. (knock on the door) Not expecting anyone, are you? No. Only you. I'll get rid of them.
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Terri
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You can only just see the harbour from here. Aren't we lucky Sam. We can see the sea!
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Louisa Anthony
Louisa Anthony Terri Anthony Martin Anthony
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You've just broken my bowl. Aren't you gonna say something? Oh, we don’t like to draw attention to the consequences of Sam;s actions. Not unless there's some sort of development potential. Mainstream parenting's not really our thing. But my bowl's in lots of pieces. Well, I'll buy you a new one. Or I could stick it back together. I'm worried that we're sort of making this a child-centric moment. "Child-centric"? Yeah, we're focusing too much on what he's just done.
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Terri
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Mrs Averill was doing her B&B back then. We just fell in love with Portwenn. And when we heard Mr Averill had popped his clogs, we couldn't believe our luck.
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Terri Martin
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Being such a small village I expect you knew him pretty well? No, I only met him once. To confirm that he was dead. He was.
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Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin
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I'll be off then. What do you mean? Um, I've got to do that thing that I mentioned. What thing? Uh, didn't I mention it? Uh, anyway. I..I'll see myself out.
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Anthony Pauline
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Anthony Oakwood. Just moved into the cottage up on the hill. That you bought off Mrs Averill for 220,000. Mr. Huntley, the estate agent, was celebrating in the pub. Yeah. He bought everyone a drink.
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Anthony Pauline Anthony Pauline Anthony Pauline
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Can I see the doctor? This week if possible? You can see him right now. Oh, don't have waiting lists in Cornwall? Normally, yes. But Mr Hill just cancelled. Oh, lucky me. If you say so.
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Anthony Martin Anthony
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Sorry you had to leave so early last night. We had a very good time. Well, until Louisa got one of her migranes. She doesn’t get migranes. Really? Well she did last night.
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Anthony Martin Anthony
Martin Anthony Martin Anthony
Martin Anthony Martin Anthony Martin Anthony Martin Anthony Martin
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Ever spoken to a psychologist? What about? Interesting story. About a year ago, I was supposed to be writing an article for "UK Psychologist", but I was blocked. I went out to dinner with some friends. A bloke there didn't say a word all night. Just sat there watching us joking, laughing, getting pissed. Turns out this bloke was a very successful lawyer. A very successful lawyer with Asperger's Syndrome. You know what Asperger's is, right? Yes, of course I do. Bad communication skills. No sense of humour. Doesn't make friends. Can you fill in this form please? Starting with your full name and date of birth. This bloke game me an idea for my article. Can people with Asperger's have normal careeers? Answer - yes! Title - "You Don't Have to be Mad to Work Here." The thing is, Martin, I think that there's a book in this. Now I'm always on the lookout for people with Asperger's doing difficult jobs. Doing them very well. Marie Curie showed symptoms. So did Thomas Jefferson. So I'm not saying you're in bad company. I beg your pardon? I mean, I can't be sure about you until we've had a proper conversation. Full name and date of birth. Don't you want to talk to me? I want your full name and date of birth on that form. Tell you what. I shall fill this in outside and then we'll have a little chin-wag when you're less stressed. I don't have little "chin-wags" Mr Oakwood. It's Dr Oakwood. Um, I do have a PhD in psychology. Oh! We're both doctors. But only one of us has a waiting room full of patients.
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Aunt Joan Martin Aunt Joan Martin Aunt Joan Martin Aunt Joan Martin Aunt Joan Martin
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Oh Martin! Hello Martin, look here. You've scratched your truck. No. Someone ELSE has scratched my truck. Oh, you probably drove too close to the hedge. Oh, don't be ridiculous. I…I've been keyed. If you say so. I have a sick child to see. Oh, don't let me stop you. I won't.
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Louisa Mr Elliot Martin Mr Elliot Louisa Mrs Elliot Martin Mr Elliot Louisa Martin Mrs Elliot Mr Elliot Martin Mr Elliot Martin Mr Elliot Martin Mr Elliot Martin Mr Elliot Louisa Martin Mr Elliot Martin Mr Elliot
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There really is nothing to worry about. Then why'd you call the doctor? The boy passed out. "The boy" has got a name. Well, Elliot passed out Mr Clyde. Then I saw he had this rash on his face. Oh, my God! It's nothing to get excited about. Well I'm sorry if we're making a fuss. I was worried it might be measles. It's not measles. It's slapped cheek. Someone hit my son? I hope you found the boy who did this. It wasn't a boy. He was hit by a girl? He wasn't hit by a girl or a boy. But if someone slapped his cheeks...he... You're not accusing me? Erythema infectiosum. And what's that supposed to mean? That is the name of the infection from which your child is suffering. It's very common. Common? No, no. He's not saying that you're common, Mr Clyde. Slapped Cheek syndrome is very easy to catch and pass on through the air or saliva. Now what you saying? Someone spat at Elliot? Spitting's a possibility, yes. Or somebody might have kissed him or licked him. What kind of school are you running here?
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Aunt Joan Joe Aunt Joan Joe
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I've got a damaged vehicle. I promise you, as soon as I can, I will be right there to report the crime. And catch the criminal? That could happen.
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Louisa Martin Louisa Martin
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Did you get home okay last night? Yes, I did. And you slept well, did you? You didn't lie there feeling guilty? What do you mean?
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Louisa Martin
Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa
Martin Louisa Martin Louisa
Martin Louisa Martin
Louisa
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Thanks for looking at Elliot. I thought we might have had a measles epidemic on our hands. There's not much chance of that. Almost all the children I've seen have been jabbed for MMR. There's only two or three mothers left in the village who haven't seen reason. Maybe they're scared. Nothing to be scared of. Well, there's autism. No there isn't. Martin, a friend of mine took her son to the doctor. He was nearly 2, perfectly healthy. They gave him the jab, and he changed overnight. Just shut down completely. Oh, because of the MMR vaccine? That's what she thinks. Is she very stupid? Look, it stands to reason that giving a child three viruses at the same time must increase their chance of some kind of reaction. "It stands to reason?" Martin, I have read about the studies linking MMR to bowel disease. Well, there was one so-called study, but that's been refuted by people who actually know what they're talking about. And the hysteria that stopped people giving their children the MMR vaccine has actually caused an increase in cases of measles, which is a horrible disease. Thank you, doctor.
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Bert
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We've got to concentrate on our brand image. Now, when we get to the cash & carry, with the mineral water, then we slap the labels on it with the restaurant logo. Now that, you see, that is called "unified branding". It reminds the customers where they're eating, so they want to come back again, eh? You see, a quality logo will give you a quality venue.
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Mrs Averill
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So, is it going okay with the phlebiology?
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Mrs Averill Pauline
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Oh dear. It's always worse when me throat's dry. How about a cup of tea? I'm fine, thank you.
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Martin
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Enjoy your polynuclear aromatic hydrocarbons. Just don't come running to me when you die.
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Martin Aunt Joan
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Oh God. Look at my car. Oh dear. Been driving too near the hedge?
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Joe Martin
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There's nothing to worry about. I think having an agoraphobic policeman is something to worry about.
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Martin
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God knows, there isn't enough for you to do in this village. But on the rare occasion, like when somebody has their car vandalized for instance, it would be nice to think that we had a policeman who could at least leave the police station and go and deal with it.
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Martin Anthony Martin Anthony Martin Anthony Martin Anthony Martin Anthony Martin Anthony
Louisa Anthony
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I just caught your son vandalizing cars in the village, having previously had a go at mine this morning. Okay, when you say "vandalizing"… Scraping a key along the side. Oh, I wish he wouldn't do that. What? He's done it before? Yeah, it's no big deal. Well, excuse me if I sound a little "car-centric," but I think it IS a big deal. Well, I mean, you have insurance, don't you? That's not the point! Your son is a delinquent and I want to know what you plan to do about it! Well, in front of you, nothing. Go to bed Sam. Right. Well you'll be hearing from PC Penhale or a police officer. Well there's no need to get the police involved. I'll just have a quiet word with Sam and explain to him that some people get a little precious about their possessions. Sorry, but I don't think that Martin's being "precious." Sam need to learn the difference between right and wrong. Oh, that's a little bit of a grey area though, isn't it?
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Terri
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Oh, just stop it! You've ruined the moment!
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Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin
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Unbelievable! Uhhh. All right? Yes, thank you. I'm fine. I hate cats. Me too. Mrs Averill's cat. Doesn't know it's moved. Nasty little thing. Badgers, cats, dogs. This village is like a petting zoo. Oh well, uh, I need to change. Yeah, me too. I stink. Yes, goodbye.
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Mrs Averill Pauline Mrs Averill
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Is the doctor free this morning? No. Fraid not. Never mind. I can wait.
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Martin Aunt Joan
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Would you like an espresso? Oh, do you have any instant? ... I'd love an espresso.
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Aunt Joan Martin Aunt Joan
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You're going to grass him up? I'm not grassing him up. The man's a public servant and he's unfit for purpose. Yes, yes. Well, you're probably right. I just wonder whether it wouldn't be kinder to treat him rather than simply report him. He has a phobia, as do many people Marty. But some of them carry on working. No one seems to mind.
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Martin
Mrs Averill Martin Mrs Averill Martin Mrs Averill
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Why are smokers always surprised when they're ill? Why do they think they're going to be the lucky ones who live to be 100? Did you think you'd make it to 70? I'm 75. 80? My mother smoked a pipe until she was 93. And then she died? No. She lost her pipe.
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Pauline Martin Pauline Martin
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Do any of your scooters come in pink? When you say "cherry red", how pink is that? Mmm. Next patient please. Hang on a sec. I'm gonna buy a scooter with my winnings. Do you think pink is a good idead or is it a bit too… Mrs Brown.
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Mrs Averill Martin Mrs Averill Martin
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Doctor, have you got me test results yet? Yes, they came in an hour ago. I just thought I'd keep them to myself. Really? No. Of course not. When they come in I will call you.
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Joe Martin
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Doctor. I came on foot. Congratulations.
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Joe Martin Joe Martin
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I'm not trying to bribe you. That wouldn't help. Would it? What are you doing? I was just gonna ask Pauline… There's no need to involve anyone else at this stage. I didn't actually offer you money. I don't have your patient notes. I was gonna get them.
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Joe Martin Joe Martin
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It's just…this policing business. It's my life. Did you ever think about a vocation for yourself, Doctor? Yes. I wanted to be a doctor. Where d'it it all go wrong, eh? It didn't.
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Joe Martin Joe
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All I want right now is to be the best policeman in Portwenn. You're the ONLY policeman in Portwenn. You're just saying that.
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Martin Joe Martin Joe Martin Joe Martin Joe
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The question I have to ask is, can you carry on doing your job whilst undergoing treatment? Absolutely. And you're aware of the effects of cognitive-behaviour therapy? I don't know what it is. Right. But you're still sure that you could carry out your duties whilst in the thick of it. Yes Huh. Well, you're either very confident or stupid. Well, we both know I'm not stupid.
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Mrs Averill Martin Mrs Averill
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I didn't think people got TB now. It's still quite common in London. And abroad. Have you traveled lately? I went to Delabole last week to see Rocky Balboa. Is that where I caught it? In Delabole?
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Mrs Averill Martin Mrs Averill
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When I'm in hospital… Yes? Will I be allowed to smoke?
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Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa
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You'd better keep an eye out for pupils with possible symptoms. Would you like me to warn the parents? Yeah, it wouldn't do any harm. TB's pretty rare around here. Unless you're a cow. You could have told me all this on the phone. I was passing. Right. Um. I'd better teach this lot. Well, I've a lot to do myself. Oh, Martin. Yep. How long does it take for a child to develop TB symptoms? Why do you ask? Well, we had to send Sam Oakwood home this morning. He was coughing and he looked really awful.
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Martin Anthony
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Has your son been jabbed for TB? Uh…Have we let someone inject him full of poison? Well, strangely, no.
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Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin
Louisa Martin Louisa Martin
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How's Sam? Marginally less irritating than his parents. No one could be that irritating. Has he got TB? Yes, I'm pretty certain. It's unusual to get it from a cat though. A cat? Mrs Averill's cat. It'll have to be put down. Shame. Mmm. Yeah, the boy should make a full recovery from the TB. I can't do anything about his disastrous upbringing though. I do feel sorry for Sam. Having a mum and dad like that. Mmm. But maybe we're not being fair. I mean, we're not parents, are we? You'd make a lovely mother.
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