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Fisherman Martin
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We found him on the beach. I'm thinking he's got hypothermia or something. Well, stop thinking.
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Martin Morwenna
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Take Mr Cornwall's details. I'll be down in a minute. Take your time. I need a cup of tea first. Right. Oh, hold on a sec. Portwenn surgery. Oh, hello Mr Barnett. How are you? No, I said "How are you?" I think you're supposed to rub it on your rash. Your rash! No, I don't suppose it did taste very nice. Sorry, I won't be long Mr... Rude. No, I'm not coming round.
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Mike Louisa Mike Louisa Mike Louisa Mike Louisa Mike Louisa Mike
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So, I thought we'd go to Minnie's Play Time this afternoon, at the library. I don't think that starts till next week. No, it started last Monday. Well, I don't want him cooped up inside all day. Oh, we'll be on the beach after that. Should be good weather for sand castles. Sunblock. He'll need sunblock. Packed it. Factor 50. Come on then, Sunny Jim. Uh, it, it's James, actually. And you'll be back at 5:00, yeah? On the dot. And you won't be late? Nope.
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Mrs Wead Becky Martin Mrs Wead Martin Becky Martin Becky Mrs Wead Becky Martin
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We had a meal at Bert's restaurant yesterday. Sunday lunch. It tasted funny. What did you eat? Well, I had some fish. Sea bass it said on the menu. Not you. What did you eat? Roast chicken. Do you think it's food poisoning? Ah, it's always a possibility. I'll need to examine a stool sample to be certain. Can you provide me with one? What's that? Poo-poo. Mum! Not to worry. I'll give you a sterile container and then next time you go to the lavatory, put a small piece of...uh...poo-poo in it and let the receptionist have it.
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Mike Louisa Mike Louisa Mike Louisa Mike Louisa Mike Louisa Mike Louisa Mike
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And now, another blue one on top. Oh, hello. You okay? Yeah. Me. You? Great. Yeah, we're having a lovely time, in't we James? Hey! Do you think Mummy's checking up on us? No, no. I just had to pop back for something. Oh, this looks fun. Shall we put this on the top? Shall we? Ahh, there. Um, Louisa. What? Well, it's blue on top. Does it matter? No. Well... yeah. Why? Well, they're in order, in't they? Okay. Happy now? Yeah. Okay. On with the red row.
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Caroline Aunt Ruth Caroline Aunt Ruth Caroline
Aunt Ruth Caroline Aunt Ruth Caroline Aunt Ruth
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Ruth. Please. Radio Portwenn has survived many years without me. We've had letters. Postcards. An e-mail, would you believe? The listeners loved you. Even so, I don't think psychiatric advice should be dispensed in 60 second sound bites. But you do it so well. With wit, warmth, compassion. And it's so rare to have a proper expert in the studio. Most of the people I have to work with know less than me about their so-called speciality. The gardening guru's allergic to soil. The newsreader's dyslexic. And there's no one round there with a fraction of your expertise when it comes to dealing with...mental people. People with mental health issues. They need you. We all need you. This is your chance to help us. Well, you're putting me in a very awkward position. I know. Is it working? Possibly.
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Bert Al Bert
Al Bert
Al Bert
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There's a review of out restaurant in here. Is, is it good? Well, it's by a Becky Wead. She says her, her roast chicken dinner, "was the most disgusting meal I've ever had the misfortune to consume." So, not good. It gets worse. "I was sick throughout the night and all the next morning, poisoned by the unhygienic food preparation." Poisoned? She can't say poisoned. I think that's libel. Or is it slander?
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Bert Louisa Bert Al Bert
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I'm not happy Louisa. I want a full retraction. I will sort this out Bert. And if you don't, your people are gonna hear from our people. We…don't…have any people. Shut up.
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Jennifer Bert Jennifer Bert Jennifer Bert Jennifer Bert Jennifer
Bert Jennifer
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Bert! Nice to see you round these parts again. Jennifer. Jennifer. Right. That weekend in Polperro. Polzeath. And Pendoggett. Oh, yes! You should have kept in touch Bert. I got married. Yeah, so I heard. You can tell a lot about a person from how they keep their shop. Everything here is all over the place. You've changed a bit. Bit more curvy. Ditto.
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Bert
Martin Jennifer Bert Martin Jennifer Martin Jennifer Martin Jennifer Martin Bert
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Oh, hello Doc. Oh, ah, ah, Jenny. This is our Doc Martin. Doc Martin, this is our lovely new locum pharmacist, Jenny Cardew. Yes. I need some provisions. We're not actually serving customers till tomorrow. Oh, I'm sure that Jenny can make an exception for you, Doc. So am I. Oh. Right. Prednisone coming up. Prednisone? Good God woman. I have clearly written "Primidone." Oh. That could be fatal. Have you? Let's see. Well, it might help if you wrote in capital letters. Might help if you got your eyes tested. I knew you two would hit it off.
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Bert Martin
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Here, Doc! I need to talk to you about Becky Wead. Ah, there's no time. I have to buy an onion.
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Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin
Louisa Martin Louisa
Martin Louisa Martin Louisa
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Pollack. Hi. Sold out of everything else. Say hello to daddy. Say, "Hello daddy." Becky Wead wrote a terrible review of Bert's restaurant. Bert wants an apology. It's a terrible restaurant. A terrible review seems fairly appropriate. It's not that bad. Although the chicken wasn't very good, allegedly. Becky said it gave her food poisoning. That's just a possibility. So, it might not be Bert's fault then? I can't discuss my patients. I haven't had the test results back anyway, and as soon as I go get them back, I still won't be able to discuss them with you. That's not much help, is it? Louisa, you seem rather tense. Yes, well of course I'm tense. You've no idea what it's like leaving James with a stranger, trying to work, when all I can think about is my baby, and counting the minutes till I can get home. Well, I told you you went back to work too early. Martin, don't start. To make things even worse, James has decided that he doesn't need food anymore. Oh, I wouldn't worry about it. He ate an enormous breakfast, followed by an even bigger lunch with Michael. Oh, well. Good for Michael!
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Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth Louisa Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth Louisa Aunt Ruth Louisa Martin Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth Louisa
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Morning. Shush. He should be awake now. He had a bad night. So did we. Go through. The sooner you get him into an appropriate routine, the better for everyone. Ruth, hi. Hi. To what do we owe this pleasure? Well, I had half and hour to kill, and I felt like a coffee, and I thought you might like to wish me a happy birthday. It's your birthday? Ruth! Happy Birthday! Ohhh. What are you doing to celebrate? What I always do. Absolutely nothing. Martin. Hmmm? Um, yes. I, I could take you to lunch. All right. Pick me up at 12:30. I'm busy all morning. What are you doing? Broadcasting live on Radio Portwenn. Oh, not that awful phone-in? No Martin. I'm reading the football results. I think she was joking.
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Bert Louisa Bert Louisa Bert Louisa Bert Louisa Bert Louisa
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What you done about that newspaper? Oh, I haven't had a moment. Meanwhile, anyone that visits Portwenn can read that my restaurant's not safe to eat in. Have your bookings gone down since yesterday? Well, they've not gone up. And that newspaper's everywhere, full of lies and slander. It's actually libel. Then you should do something about it. I don't have any time, Bert. And I don't have any customers, Louisa! You never did, Bert!
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Caller "Sheila" Caroline
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I mean, what's the point? I feel like life's not worth living. What's there to look forward to? Oh, come on, Sheila. There's plenty of things to look forward to. There's the Boconnoc Steam Fair. There's Stoke Climsland Flower Show. And the Portwenn Musical Players are giving us their "Oklahoma!" next month. Hello? I'm afraid we've lost Sheila, so let's try our next caller.
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Aunt Ruth Caroline Aunt Ruth Caroline Caller "Bob" Caroline Aunt Ruth Caller "Bob" Aunt Ruth Caller "Bob" Caroline Caller "Bob" Aunt Ruth Caroline Aunt Ruth Caroline Aunt Ruth Caroline Caller "Bob"
Aunt Ruth
Caller "Bob" Aunt Ruth Caller "Bob" Caroline
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Perhaps I should speak to this one? Of course Dr Ruth. Dr Ellingham, please. Hello. Hello, Dr Ellingham. Can you hear me? Yes, she can. What's your… What's your name? Call me "Bob." And what's your problem, Bob? There's a woman. Isn't there always? I've known her for years. She means everything to me, and I wanted... I'm afraid I have nothing to say about affairs of the heart. Not that we're trying to get rid of you, Bob. Yes, we are! I'm sure Dr Ruth... Ellingham. I'm sure she'd like to offer some advice. Advice is like snow. The softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind. I can't remember who said that. Samuel Taylor Coleridge. Well, Bob. I suppose if I had to, I'd suggest that you speak to this woman. Tell her how you feel. Face-to-face? That's always best. And she will feel the same about me? She will love me? I can see Dr Ruth nodding her head. And who do we have on line three?
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Martin Becky Martin Becky Martin Becky Mrs Wead Martin Becky Martin
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Well, there's no doubt that you have an ulcer. The only question is whether it's gastric or duodenal. You said it was food poisoning. No, I didn't. I'm going to make an appointment for you to have an endoscopy. You agreed it was 'cause of the chicken. No, I didn't. Tell him, Mum. I think, I think you did actually mention the, the possibility that it could be. The possibilty, yes, but not the certainty or even the probability. Do you know the difference between those words? Don't talk to my mum like that! I'll talk how I want. It's my surgery. The tests on your feces rule out food poisoning. Is there any part of that sentence that either of you are struggling with? Good. Take this, and go away.
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Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth Martin
Aunt Ruth
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So, someone's been in the house. Perhaps it's one of your friends. I don't have any friends in Cornwall. And who would know it was my birthday? I don't know. Maybe you made an announcement on Radio Portwenn? You heard my program? No, of course not. I made no announcement on the radio. It's not uncommon for women of your age to experience memory lapses. Perhaps you told one of your neighbors and then forgot. Well, happy birthday to me!
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Joe
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Num, num, num. PC Joseph Penhale, 3021. Uh, is it a matter of life and death? It's just, technically, I am on my refreshment break. I'm sorry, Mr Nugent, but is it vital that you get through that particular gate right now? I don't think it's appropriate to speak to an officer of the law in that manner. If you repeat that threat, I could actually arrest you.
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Martin Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth
Martin Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth
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I hope you're not driving anywhere this afternoon. I hadn't planned to. Good... Perhaps I have a secret admirer. Is that a realistic proposition? Well, you seem not to think so. However, a red rose is a classic symbol of romantic love, and one appeared on my car the other day. It's just possible I have a rather amorous stalker. That's just wishful thinking. Oh, Martin, you know very well, people are surprisingly eclectic in their sexual inclinations. Eclectic? Well, that's one word for it. Do you want me to come round tonight? I don't. You haven't touched your fish. Ah, no. Something wrong? No, I'm fine. Martin. I'm fine. Possibly a slight problem with blood. The haemophobia? No. I'm sure it's nothing. It'll disappear again. And if it doesn't? Well... I have a name. Names. People you can talk to. I'm sure it'll go. Possibly.
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Chippy Miller Morwenna Chippy Miller Martin
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Doc, it's my leg. It's acting up again. It can wait, and so can you. It's the blood tests from Robert Campbell. Doc. Mr Miller. I'm not going to examine your leg in the reception room, am I? Go through to the consulting room and wait!
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Robert
Aunt Ruth Robert Aunt Ruth
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You know I've loved you ever since we first met. Four years, five months, three weeks. I don't blame you for telling them it wasn't safe to let me go. They had to change their minds eventually. And now we can start our new life together. Where are you going? Just downstairs. I didn't lock the doors. And we don't want to be disturbed, do we? No. I want to protect you Bob. Keep you safe. I'll just go down to the kitchen.
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Joe
Martin Joe Martin Joe Martin Joe Martin
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Psst. Okay. Sitrep. I've got eyes on a male IC1, who's inside with your aunt. I didn't show myself. I wanna know more about this Robert Campbell first. As far as I'm aware, he's some sort of stalker with a history of mental illness. Dangerous? Violent? Quite possibly. We need backup. Swat team, chopper cover, armed response. Can you get all that? No. Idiot.
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Martin Aunt Ruth Robert Martin Aunt Ruth Robert Aunt Ruth Joe
Martin Joe Martin
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Ruth! Where are you? It's just my nephew. Martin. You can't be sure who it is. It's me! Martin! There you are. He only wants to say hello. We can't be sure if he's alone. Oh, I'm sure he is. Look, why don't we sit down? Come on. It's perfectly safe now. Two armed officers to the north of the building! One to the south! I want a sniper on the roof! And keep the dogs in reserve until I give the word to release them! Woof! Woof! Ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh! The dogs are in position, Sarge! Do you want me to release the helicopter? Shut up! Sorry! Sorry. You're making it worse. Try going in through the door. I can't see anything in the windows.
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Robert Martin Robert Martin Robert Aunt Ruth Martin Robert Aunt Ruth
Martin Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth Robert Aunt Ruth Robert Aunt Ruth Robert Martin Robert Aunt Ruth Robert Aunt Ruth Martin Robert Martin
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If you come through that door, I'll kill you! Do you hear me? Kill you! Get out! No, I'm worried about my aunt. And I'm worried about you. There's nothing wrong with me. Yes, there is. You've got Type 2 diabetes. I had your blood tests back. You're lying. Oh, you must listen to my nephew, Bob. He does know what he's talking about. I need to take your baseline sugar level, give you a shot of insulin, and get you to the hospital. I'm going nowhere. Tell him Dr Ellingham. Of course I will, Bob. But before he goes, I wonder if perhaps he might not help you? Do you really think, Martin, that insulin is the best thing for Bob right now? What the hell are you talking about? I thought perhaps Largactil might do a better job. Or Benzodiazepine? Yes... I agree. Well, at least the policeman's shut up. That's good, isn't it? You don't think he's planning something? I very much doubt it. You mustn't leave me. Then I won't Bob, if that's what you want. You were always very kind to me, Dr Ellingham. I'm ready. No! Oh, please let him do this, Bob. Tell him to go away! I think you better do as he says, Martin. What? And leave you alone with a psychopath? I'm not a psychopath. I am not a psychopath! You want me to prove it? Uh, no. I believe you.
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Joe Martin Joe
Martin Robert Martin
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Nobody move! Armed police! I got a baton! Oh, for God's sake. Is this the loony? Stay down! If you attempt to get up, you will be tasered. Uh. I've left my taser in the car. Could you go and get it? No. Dr Ellingham. I love you! Not me. He means her.
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Martin Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth Martin Aunt Ruth
Martin
Aunt Ruth
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Am I Right in assuming he's a former patient? Yes. De Clerambault's Syndrome. A paranoid delusion with amorous fixations. Probably made worse by the diabetes. I'll make you a cup of tea when they've gone if you like. Well, I'm not going back into that kitchen. What? Ever? Well, certainly not tonight. I've been out here long enough. Tomorrow I'm going to look for somewhere to live in the village. You know, you really don't have to worry about him. He'll be locked up for...years. By the time he gets out, you, you'll, umm...you, you'll have gone away. Fingers crossed.
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Bert
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I haven't poisoned anyone. Not for ages anyway.
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Louisa Bert Louisa Bert Louisa Bert Louisa Bert Louisa Bert
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Would it help if we put an advert into the next edition of the newspaper? Okay. Great. We'll do that, then. But I want a photograph of the restaurant. Okay. And the menu. Uh-huh. And maybe a voucher. All right. I can take the photo myself, but it's up to you to pay for the printing.
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Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa
Martin Louisa Martin Louisa
Martin Louisa Martin Louisa Martin Louisa
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Gosh. What a day. How's your hand? Oh, it's fine. You sure you're all right? Yes, I'm fine. How was your day? Ah, good. Bumped into Bert. Found myself defending Becky Wead. Freedom of the press, fair comment, that sort of thing. Quite right. She's written something about you now. What? "A bedside manner is a concept completely alien to Dr Ellingham. He's patronizing, abrasive, and completely disempathetic." It's not even a word. I know Martin. But apart from that, I think it's very well written for a 10 year old. Yes. You sure you're all right? You look very pale. I'm fine, thank you. Hmmm.
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